Opening
Good evening everybody!
You know you're from an Indonesian family when your parents don't ask, "How are you?"
They ask:
"Have you eaten?"
Because in Indonesia, emotional support is carbs.
Nobody cares about your mental health.
But if you skip lunch?
National emergency.
My mom can ignore my depression for six months...
But if I don't eat rice for one day, suddenly she's calling relatives.
"Please pray for him. He's joined a cult."
Main Content
Indonesian parents are amazing.
They have only two parenting modes:
Mode one:
"Study hard."
Mode two:
"Why are you studying so much? Go help your aunt."
No middle ground.
And Indonesian moms have a special talent.
They can compare you with any human being on Earth.
"Look at your cousin."
Mom, my cousin is a doctor.
I'm trying to find matching socks.
We're not in the same competition.
My mom compares me with people I don't even know.
"Look at Mrs. Siti's son."
WHO IS HE?!
Why is this random guy dominating my performance review?
And Indonesian dads...
Dads never explain anything.
Every conversation sounds like a military briefing.
"Dad, where are you going?"
"Out."
"When will you be back?"
"Later."
Very informative.
Thank you, Google Maps with anger issues.
And family gatherings...
The Olympics of personal attacks.
You walk into the room.
Nobody says hello.
The first question:
"So... when are you getting married?"
Relax, Auntie.
I just got here.
At least let me eat one spring roll before ruining my evening.
Indonesian relatives have only three questions:
"When are you graduating?"
"When are you getting married?"
"When are you having kids?"
They never ask:
"Are you happy?"
Because happiness doesn't generate grandchildren.
And once you finally get married?
The questions upgrade immediately.
"When are you having a baby?"
Ma'am...
The wedding was yesterday.
We haven't even finished the leftovers.
Indonesian families also believe every problem can be solved by eating.
Heartbreak?
Eat.
Lost your job?
Eat.
Economic crisis?
Eat.
Alien invasion?
Mom's still in the kitchen.
"Have some fried rice first."
The aliens are probably confused.
"Why won't these people panic?"
Because we're marinated in soy sauce and family pressure.
Closing
I love Indonesian families.
They're supportive in the weirdest way possible.
They don't say:
"I believe in you."
They say:
"Why are you like this?"
And somehow...
That becomes motivation.
Because nothing creates success faster than trying to prove your relatives wrong.
Thank you, everybody!
Give it up for Indonesian families—the only people who can roast you, feed you, and emotionally damage you at the same time.
