(Roasting Edition – Sharper, Darker, More Savage)
Opening
Good evening everybody!
Let's talk about the Indonesian education system.
A system so efficient...
It can make students hate learning before they even know what learning is.
When I was a kid, I thought school was a place to discover my potential.
Turns out...
It was a place to discover how many wrong answers I could fit into one exam sheet.
The education system doesn't ask:
"What are your talents?"
It asks:
"Can you memorize 47 pages by tomorrow?"
Because apparently intelligence in Indonesia is measured by how much suffering you can tolerate.
Main Content
I love how schools always say:
"We prepare students for the future."
Really?
Because nobody prepared me for taxes.
Nobody prepared me for job interviews.
Nobody prepared me for inflation.
But thank God I know the reproductive cycle of a fern.
That information is really helping me survive adulthood.
I can’t pay rent...
But at least I know how moss reproduces.
Priorities.
And exams...
Exams are hilarious.
The entire school year is basically:
"Memorize."
"Memorize."
"Memorize."
Then one day:
"SURPRISE! Prove you're smart."
No.
You're not testing intelligence.
You're testing RAM capacity.
A hard drive can pass some of these exams.
Some students get straight A's.
Then graduate and immediately get confused by life.
Because life doesn't have multiple-choice questions.
Imagine adulthood worked like school exams.
"Your boss hates you."
A. Cry
B. Resign
C. Start a business
D. All of the above
Congratulations.
You scored 100.
Meanwhile schools love saying:
"There are no stupid questions."
Lies.
Ask one question too many and the teacher looks at you like you've personally attacked the Constitution.
Student:
"Sir, I don't understand."
Teacher:
"PAY ATTENTION."
Thank you.
Very educational.
I understand everything now.
Even quantum physics.
And report cards...
Indonesian report cards are psychological warfare.
One bad grade.
One.
And suddenly your entire family acts like you're laundering money for an international crime syndicate.
"You got 78?"
Yes.
"You should be ashamed."
ASHAMED?
Bro, I failed mathematics.
Not humanity.
And why is every family obsessed with rankings?
Rank 1.
Rank 2.
Rank 3.
That's it.
If you're rank 17, nobody cares.
You could cure cancer.
Your mom still says:
"But who got first place?"
The kid in first place is probably in therapy now.
Leave him alone.
And let's talk about group projects.
The greatest scam ever invented.
One student does all the work.
Four students contribute oxygen.
Then everybody gets the same grade.
That's not education.
That's socialism with extra steps.
The hardest worker gets burnout.
The lazy student gets an A.
And the teacher calls it teamwork.
Beautiful.
Absolutely beautiful.
Then comes university.
The magical place where students spend four years studying for jobs that require three years of experience.
How?!
How do you need experience for an entry-level position?
What do companies want?
"Must be 22 years old."
"Must have 15 years of experience."
Did this guy start working in the womb?
And parents always say:
"Get a degree and you'll be successful."
Really?
Because I know engineers driving ride-hailing motorcycles.
I know economists who can't manage their own finances.
I know communication graduates who ignore messages for three weeks.
The system is producing irony faster than graduates.
And the funniest thing?
Schools tell us:
"Failure is part of success."
But the moment you fail an exam:
Everybody acts like you've collapsed the national economy.
Choose one.
Either failure is okay...
Or stop calling family meetings because I got a B-minus.
Closing
The Indonesian education system taught me many valuable lessons.
How to survive sleep deprivation.
How to memorize useless information.
How to panic professionally.
But the biggest lesson?
The smartest people aren't always the ones with the highest grades.
Sometimes they're the ones who figured out how the game works.
Because school teaches you how to answer questions.
Life teaches you that nobody even knows the questions.
Thank you everybody!
Give it up for the education system...
The only place where a fish, a monkey, and an elephant are all told:
"Climb the tree."
And when the elephant fails...
They call it an academic issue.
